21. First Date Checklist for Introverted Women, How to Let Down Your Wall Around Men You Like, Why Dating is So Hard For Introverted Women, 6 Crucial Self-Care Tips For Introverted Women, The Challenges of Being An Introverted Woman Infographic, http://highlysensitive.org/introverted-shy-highly-sensitive-arts/, How Introverts Can Stop Overthinking Dating, Why The End Of December Is So Hard For Introvert Overachievers, Introvert's Career Perspective: 7 Jobs You Can Do Alone, Introvert Tips to Build Friendships On Zoom, How to Deal With an Eating Disorder as an Introvert, How Introverts Can Make Real Friends Online, An Introvert's Guide: How to Make Your Solo Hiking Adventure Safe and Exciting, Why Introverts Feel Alone, Even With Other People, For Introverts Hiding Who They Really Are, Introverts: Give Your Energy To People Who Deserve It, Wedding Day Survival Tips For Introvert Brides And Grooms, 3 Ways Introverts Can Make Friends In a Pandemic, 6 Ways An Introvert Can Enjoy Winter, If You're Not a Winter Person, How Introverts Can Easily Defend a Dissertation, Handling The Social Impacts Of Living With A Disability As An Introvert. She’s not being rude; she’s just trying to keep her sanity. Sometimes I hate being an introvert, but honestly, I think it sets me apart. They like people, and that is why they have friends, maybe not as many as the popular guy or girl around, but they do, and hence the fact that they hate people is a misconception, … According to the dictionary, introversion is a personality trait characterized by a focus on internal feelings rather than on external sources of stimulation. In fact, I am of the opinion, that ‘Silence Is Golden’ and that the world needs more Introverts, like us! 🙂, Thank you for sharing your experience as an introverted woman in Finland! Introvert narcissists are often difficult to spot, and yet can carry the same self-conceit and negative contagion as … I hope that’s all right! Black female introverts face an additional layer of doubts when they don’t display characteristics the majority expects. Talk about “darkest shade of green-eyed monster.”, Anyway, more to the point, I just wanted to say that I thoroughly enjoyed your blog, I wanted to encourage you (hopefully) by saying that there is at least one man in the wide world who values the very qualities you described. There is a lot of talk these days about the distinction between extroverts and introverts, which is often treated as an either/or trait. She favors small groups over large. After being called everything from ‘weird’, ‘complex’, ‘moody’, ‘arrogant’ and ‘shy’, to ‘nervous’, in junior high and bombarded with highly intrusive questions and hurtful and ludicrous statements like ‘why are so quiet?’, ‘why are you so gloomy?’, ‘why are you so serious?’, ‘it’s good to have friends’, ‘smile and the world smiles with you’, ‘you should come out of your shell’, ‘we are all here for you’ etc., I developed this reputation among a couple of my highly extroverted classmates in college (some of whom actually became my close friends), for being crazy (in a hilarious way) and a ‘goofball’. It’s not! Lately, there seem to be more introverted females on the silver screen. I don’t make apologies for “alone time” anymore. It’s hard to believe now, but introversion was once a mostly misunderstood personality trait. This website has been absolutely refreshing and reassuring! One said gentleman who did like me – initially- has since moved on to the extroverted, flirtatious, bubbly woman. Being an introvert is a classic trait exhibited by beta females; they usually keep to themselves in a group, talking only when the need arises. I notice everything too. The problem being…I have reverted very far into the depths of introversion. It’s about really knowing a few people she can actually trust rather than having a long list of “friends” that she can’t really count on. She gets nervous about meeting new people. And this was nice content and definitely will be useful for many people. So what happens if you fall in love with an introverted woman? Have difficulties in expressing themselves. I’ve seen both movies and read the first book. Most people are surprised to learn that Audrey Hepburn was an introvert. Click to tweet. If you're like many introverts who are single and alone for the holidays, I feel your pain. That was not how I felt inside. Now I can say, I know how to take care of myself around extroverts.:-). Coupled with my introversion, were my Highly Sensitive personality traits. She’ll still want to go out with you and be around people, but she’ll need time to recharge once it’s all over. I thought she was physically beautiful but the adhesion was to her brain. 'When people expect a sassy, bold, dramatic, and highly communicative bearing, Black introverted women can leave the impression of being aloof, nonchalant, and unfriendly. It doesn’t mean she’s not interested; it just means she needs “me time”. Ranked by the American Film Institute as the third greatest female screen legend during the Golden Age of Hollywood, Audrey Hepburn was more than just the films she did and the clothes she wore. I had always known that I was quiet, but had never put another name to it. She needs her alone time. What about a social introvert? Introversion is one of the major personality traitsidentified in many theories of personality. It may be a challenge if you’re more outgoing yourself, but you’ll have a much easier time if you know these things about her: It’s highly unlikely she’ll ever make the first move. Unfortunately, people with introvert personalities find it difficult to express their emotions and how they feel. Or at least, not necessarily. Meeting and mingling with new people can be a cause for anxiety in an introvert’s life. Making new friends can be daunting, even online. 🙂, Thank you again to everyone’s comments 🙂, Rose, I love how you said your introversion has “blossomed” – great choice of words! Introverted women wanting to be extroverts. When I was younger I often wondered what was wrong with me, as I found it extremely difficult to socialise in big groups and I stayed quiet most of the time. DMCA Policy Why it’s hard to believe Audrey Hepburn was an introvert. And I think quickly, and I am witty (wit comes from contemplation kids, not blabbing all the time). All or nothing with introverts, so we are great at making decisions. I sometimes feel like there should be an in-depth book about Introverted Women, kind of like a manual on how one actually functions in this World…. It’s almost incumbent on me to make sure that I take care, in a very fierce way, in order to be able to continue to write and to be the person I want to be.” – From my article Introverted, Shy or Highly Sensitive in the Arts http://highlysensitive.org/introverted-shy-highly-sensitive-arts/. Terms of Service, 12 Things You Need To Know About Dating An Introverted Woman, What’s Your Hottest Quality? I’m like yeah, after you’ve insulted me incessantly, and publicly, and I’ve tolerated it quietly and calmly, do you finally come to the realization that me not wanting to run my mouth isn’t necessarily a negative. She enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun. But, in the 1970s with the Brady girls’ “hair of gold”, Farrah Fawcett on Charlie’s Angels & the 1980s with Pam Anderson on Baywatch, blonde was everything it seemed. I’ve read some of Elaine’s articles, but haven’t read the book yet. So take it slow, introduce her to just a few people at a time, and make sure she’s not the constant center of attention. 🙂. Great literature has some amazing introverted heroines. If you’re an extrovert, it can be hard to understand why introverts act the way they do. Introverted women vs. introverted men She just prefers internal conversations to external ones. But inside she hadn’t changed; she was still depressed. She’ll have thoughts and opinions of her own, but she’ll be more interested in considering what you have to say than is shoving her own ideas down your throat. – his words not mine) who falls in his lap versus the introvert who has to assess the situation prior to advancing and doesn’t know how to (and also despises having to) play coy, and bat her eyelashes, and make small talk to convey attraction. And thanks for sharing your male perspective on this 🙂 Hahah, being married to MTV sounds like a nightmare. I feel so complete and self-contained I really don’t understand this attachment. Here I am now, solo, middle-aged and having to recover and rely on the introvert’s natural superpowers to be alone even when I want companionship. And it’s possible that Joan Watson on Elementary is an introvert too, since she seems to spend most of her free time in bed reading and is quite smart without feeling the need to be bubbly. Sadly, that approach to dating, and life, is very often viewed as dominant, aggressive, & unapologetic. They really are the enemy of the introverted woman. They weren’t better actors than me (introverts can be actors, as you say with Audrey Hepburn, since they bring a greater emotional depth and insight to their roles), they were just more bubbly and likeable, even to directors! It doesn’t mean you need to constantly take her out or lavish her in romantic gestures. I have to admit that extroverts, at the beginning, are just good at grabbing attention. Consequently, it becomes more and more difficult to unearth the hidden treasures of our true personality. As a result, some of my extroverted friends just couldn’t stomach the fact that I was the exact opposite in public. Thanks for the suggestion, Dee. But her mom is definitely an extrovert. but I’ve noticed I can not even tolerate 5 minutes of conversation sometimes 😭. Instead, she’ll want you to come to her (even though it will make her nervous). An introverted man has several qualities that make him more likely to be honest. I am so scared I’m never going to get over this and it will intensify. Must be a bunch of us like this out there. But I know who I am, so I knew what I wanted, and once I spotted him, it was a done deal (engaged in 3 months flat). If you like me, we should go out sometime”. And I hate it when someone insists that I be more outgoing or talkative. Introversion is generally viewed as existing as part of a continuum along with extroversion. I know I’m not necessarily “normal”, but I see my value nonetheless. Unless you’re in Finland or East Asia, introverted females are largely undervalued. In order to make way for our louder, more extroverted alter ego, we must bury a part of ourselves. ... Much research has been conducted on each of the 16 personality types. As you said, i also succeeded to some extend but could not carry on with it for long. Here are some introvert friendly tips. He wrote that introverts and extraverts could be separated based on how they regain energy. hope you like it, http://theblazyfox.blogspot.in/2015/09/introversial-discrimination-how-to.html, My comments might seem a little repetitive. I first discovered my introversion at the age of 14 when my father, not known for his sensitivity, blurted out that he was an extrovert and I was an introvert. Introvert personality traits are characterized by purposefulness. P.S. Yes, yes, yes, all of this! Many people wrongly envision female introverts as pasty white spinster types who own at least three cats. Believe me, I know the feeling. There is no need to give fluff of extra information. And I think 32 is a great age for a fresh start and a fresh view of yourself that is more loving and accepting. That is one major lesson that I have learnt, these past couple of years! For years, seriously…FOR…YEARS…I have been told, I’m a stuck up bitch, distant, and cold and aloof (I liken myself to Mr. Darcy-favorably) but once we get to know you your so sweet. 1. Ug. In the society I live in being introvert is looked upon as dumb or snobbish and I have been called both at some point. The hair colour DOES make a big difference to how you are perceived. Well too bad, that’s on you buddy, but now I’m the apparent confidante to them both. I took acting classes in high school and postsecondary since I was told I needed to ‘come out of my shell’ and while they did help me to make friends and learn to express myself more, I was forever jealous of the charming girls who always got the roles I wanted. Oh, and one of the latest disorders being hurled at introverts these days is Aspergers. Introverts turn inward mentally. Forever young, bubbly, colourful, and eternally talking, radiant, always ready, willing and able to do anything, and anywhere.” They seemed easy for the men, not just sexually, but easy to handle, no need for guessing what they are thinking and feeling, no need to work to really dig deep and get to know you. Just being with you is all she needs. I have _never_ wanted to be (or even to know) a Marcia Brady clone. Although a quick google search will deem an introverted individual to be “a shy, reticent person”, there is much more to it than that. . When you are with an introvert, nothing is lost. However, I am an introvert, and I just had to tell you that your bit about the ability to be an extrovert for 20 minutes (albeit at a steep price) literally made me laugh aloud. But I am an introverted woman. I think it comes down to being willing to stay true to yourself, and not let the opinons, or perceptions of others compromise how your present yourself to the world. So out of annoyance and preferring to be straight forward I ask “well why didn’t you then”? I often find myself in a position where I feel obligated to pretend to be extroverted, and then feel oddly guilty if I fight that obligation. Earning labels from “ice queen” to “stuck-up,” introverted rational women — those with the Thinking preference in the Myers-Briggs system, specifically the INTJ, INTP, ISTJ, and ISTP — have a bad rep for seeming cold and unapproachable. Not to mention that fact that extroverted guys tend to always draw the attention of single girls in any room. There is THAT much pressure to be extroverted in our culture. I realized that i am an introvert when i found that word while doing a part time job as a university student. 😉 xo, Thank you for iterating something that has bothered me for so long! They are constantly taking in information in their quiet state and using it as fodder for creative expression. Dorothea from Middlemarch. This is what we are up against: psychiatry/psychology matching socities preferences with invented disorders that match what is acceptable and what isn’t. Plus, how to tell where you fall on the spectrum. Introverts, his basic definition said, prefer minimally stimulating environments, and they need time alone to recharge. We’re also happy cat owners and are content to be childfree, so that I don’t have to be a stressed mom trying to deal with all that crazy stuff. After all, if I was looking for love in the form of mindless babbling and false enthusiasm, I might as well marry MTV. All my family are extroverts and had/have little understanding of why I behave the way I do. Introverts see things others often miss or don’t see. and my wicked sense of humour! I stay home every weekend and drink by myself. I’ll admit, putting on my extrovert hat has its advantages. Maybe we need more introverted role models for grown women, too, I mention—we have Cain herself to look to, yes, but we need more! I have been in that situation so many times it’s unbelievable, and it takes me about a full day to recharge. In any case, I doubt they would find her actions endearing. This statement is something I relate to: “While other women delight in constant chitchat and colorful banter, we silently wonder if we’re missing a crucial femininity chip.”, Yes, these other women who advertise in one form or another are “hot,” and “stand out.”. But this scenario (and the repetitive cycle) annoys the life outta me, because it always appears that the main reasons why this continues to happen, the extrovert jumped in his lap, whilst I stood back and quietly observed and appeared to be unapproachable. Yet another fantastic blog post, Michaela! We’re going to be… listing a huge number of common introvert traits that women find extremely attractive, using fictional heartthrobs as proof that women do love introverts, and I was born blonde, then my hair turned darker at 10 months, gradually becoming a rich brown in my teens. Marcia’s character on The Brady Bunch wasn’t like that as I recall it (drama) but she definitely wasn’t studious like Jan. I couldn’t stand the character of Rachel on Friends. Also, introvert personality traits include developed imagination. 🙂 And she’s such a great example for girls. Do whatever you can to take the pressure off, because she’ll be stressed enough as it is. So don’t just assume she’s not interested. I spent about 3 1/2 years with emotions ranging from despair and utter forlornness to instant, hot anger and rage. Honesty. Thank you for sharing your struggle to adjust to your new environment. Once I went gray and started coloring my hair blond, I still do notice a difference in how men acted. 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